Saturday, March 6, 2010

Smoooooke meeeee

So far not so good.

I made it two days and then crashed and burned in a split second of weakness. I walked outside this morning with my cup of joe and my father was on my back porch watching the boys playing in the backyard. Just the site of him sitting there drinking his coffee and smoking a butt had me drooling worse than Jake when he watches me eat steak. I bummed one. It was so good you'd have thought I was shooting up heroin. How I could miss something so much that I've really come to hate is crazy. When I was done the guilt was palatable. Shit. Two days and BAM! Failure.

So I started anew from that moment on. I have the patch and havent used them. I really didnt want a crutch. I just wanted to quit cold turkey. So on advice from Edith of Mrs Bunkers Chainsaw Emporium I went down to the pharmacy and got some nicorette gum. So far so good on attempt number 2. The gum seems to be working as it takes the edge off the urge.

Its really weird how your mind works. When I'm craving a cigarette I try to make deals with myself. Oh just go get a pack and we'll start when all the other bullshit is over. or Just wait and quit next week. or Bum one from dad and it'll be ok, its only one. My mind is definatley messing with me. I dont want to smoke anymore but I WANT a cigarette. Gah!! I wish I could be put in a coma for two weeks.

After falling off the wagon then climbing back on incident, I just hung by the pool until early afternoon. What a beautiful day. Low 70's and pure blue skies. After the pool I showered and went with my nabor to the Las Olas Art Fair. Saw a bunch of nice stuff that I cant afford and stuff that I wouldnt buy if I could afford it. To each his own I guess.

Anytime I go down to Las Olas there is a store I love that has a ton of fun stuff in it. I think its called Things Remembered. I brought a cool bracelet that will mark the day I quit smoking.

While walking around in there a song came on that brought me waaaaaaaay back to my childhood. I was only five when this came out but I can actually remember hearing it while riding in the old brown station wagon on that fabulous non-stereo AM radio with big old nobs and pushbutton station finders. And I loved the song.
Bobby Sherman was a cutie. Nice dimple in that chin dude!!


Its only 9:30pm but I'm whooped. Off to bed I go. That'll be 12 more hours smoke free. yay me.

12 comments:

Capt. Schmoe said...

Hang in there Peedee. People that I know who have quit said is very hard but definitely worth the effort. One day at a time.

Ann T. said...

Dear peedee,
Whatever takes the edge off that constant bargaining and attention deficit--do it. I think that's the worst. You also don't have to take the whole tab of gum. Sometimes just a bit of it calms all that crap. Reapply as necessary.

Sleep is good. Body detoxes during sleep. Sleep looooooooooong hours for the first three days, just for chemical detox, the next mark is supposedly two weeks where you redo your habits. But the first 3 days suck.

When the alarm rings to get up, take the gum and hit the snooze button. It'll help w/ first cup of coffee moment, already starting when you get up after second alarm.

Muah!
Ann T.

Mrs. Bunker said...

I won't event tell you how many times I quit til I really quit. Just keep quitting, and one day it will be for good.
There is one way to quite for sure & positive: this is by getting pregnant, then you'll quit. But then you'll have to figure out to do with a baby, and that'll make you want to smoke again.
(It does say blab away up there)

Bloviating Zeppelin said...

I hate to admit it. I actually watched "Here Come The Brides" when it was on. Shhh. Don't tell anyone.

You can stop smoking like I can stop vodka.

BZ

peedee said...

Thanks for the support Capt. Much appreciated.

And sleep I did last night Ann. From 9:30p - 7:30a then back again from 9:30a - Noon. Felt good. I never go back to sleep or nap in the morning. My bed was calling me though.

LOL Yeah thats the answer Edith. I'll go practice right now make sure I remember how to make a baby. Any takers to help me practice?? 'Cause its kinda important to have a partner...

BZ I'm not sure if that was a supportive remark or a smartass remark. I'm gonna keep trying to quit smoking. I'll do it eventually. Will you keep trying to quit vodka?

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm glad I never took up smoking, because I'd be in the same boat as you. Good luck.

peedee said...

My boats sinking Captain and quick.

Gia's Spot said...

Good Luck Peedee took me so many tries! Then I found Chantix and have never looked back!Be three years on july 2. I liked it because it was not a nicotine replacement, which the gum and patch are. Chantix just stops your body from getting "High" off the nicotine, that's it, once the withdrawls are over, it's a done deal, and those are over even before you actually put the cigs down! You are still smoking but going through withdrawls at the same time! If the gum and patch don't work, try it!! Don't beat yourself up over smoking that butt, they are designed to make you want them more than life itself!!
Good Luck, Peedee!
Gia

peedee said...

Thanks for the support Gia. I will do it. I'm thinking not this week though lol. I'm gonna keep quitting though. Eventually it will work. I think once I really start running it will help.
Did you have the funky dreams on Chantix?? I've heard a lot about that.

Angelia Sims said...

You might check out whyquit.com

It had a poem I printed off and read called not another puff. I did cold turkey because the patch and gum, I used to quit before, kept me hooked on nicotine. So I always failed. I was married to a smoker at the time I did quit for good. I just got busy when he was smoking. Drank a lot of water and exercised when I got the urge. Two weeks is all it takes, then those I'm gonna die without a smoke urges are gone for good. Freedom!! Not another puff.

I was like you smoked over 20years, hated it and wanted to quit. You can beat it. Just keep at it girl!

meleah rebeccah said...

Well, I am proud of you for starting over, and not giving up completely!

I've heard the gum and the patch are helpful! And hopefully they will work for you.

I dont think I could even consider trying to quit cold turkey!!

Ann T. said...

Dear peedee,
It's just amazing how many people have either been there are want to be as far motivated as you. You gotta group thing going here.

BZ, my dad would not let me watch Here Comes the Brides. My mom would not let me watch the Three Stooges. I am junk-deprived. Gotta say I don't lose sleep over it though.
Ann T.