Friday, July 30, 2010

Turtles and Life

This made me smile today.

Turtle helps friend who's flipped over.

Cheesy Michael Bolton song but I didnt make it, I'm just reposting it for your viewing pleasure.

Have a great weekend all and remember:

"To the world you may be just one person,
to one person, you may be the world."

Who's your world? You all know who mine is.
This kid makes me smile damn near everyday. =)
She is my world. And its a beautiful world.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

He Died For Us

Sisu over at Verbal Incontinence has a post up requesting signatures on a petition. This is for one of our fallen hero's. This was Sisu's friend.

An A-10 Pilot, Capt. Patrick Brian Olson who gave his life during Operation Desert Storm in Feb 1991. Why a petition has to be done to name a bridge after one of our hero's is beyond me. But if thats what it takes then damnit, lets do it.

Honestly, it takes 15 seconds to sign this petition. Please do it. Then link it, post about it on your blog and post it on your Facebook.

When I just signed the petition there were 500+ signatures. There should be 50,000 signatures on it. If we work together and move this, it will happen.

Here is the direct link to the petition page: CLICK HERE

And if you're thinking of leaving without clicking on the page.......what if I were asking you to do this for my Lauren?? My sailor. You'd do it wouldn't you. Well this is another mothers little boy. Do it for him. Do it for her. Please. I dont beg often, but for him I will.


Just some quick pics of Remi from this weekend.

My friend has this awesome point and shoot Olympus camera that takes underwater pics. HYSTERICAL!!! I want one really badly! Oh and look at the Header pic...He Does Keep His Eyes Open!!

The red thing in his mouth is his collar that Ginger threw in. He went to the bottom of the pool to get it.

I'm sure with a little practice the pics could be really good. I couldn't take the pics because I had enough trouble trying to keep my shoulder from floating up while underwater. And I could only handle about 5 minutes in the water anyway. My friend Renee was the photographer. I'm gonna have her bring the camera by one weekend when I'm feeling better to see if I can get some really good ones of Remi swimming underwater.

More pics of the weekend soooooooon.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Twofer Tuesday

New & old obsessions.

Hayley Williams from the group Paramore is featured in this song by B.o.B., called Airplanes. Typical that this song has been out for months and I'm just now diggin on it. I'm not big on the rap in the song but love her part.

B.o.B. ft. Hayley Williams - Airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, Wish right now

On a side note, I saw Hayley with her group Paramore last year when they opened for No Doubt. hmmmm. I'm not sure how much I like Paramore, but the group is HUGELY popular and have been for quite some time. I might have to take another listen.

The second video is from a very cool band that was way cooler before they got popular. The sailor was diggin on these guys wayyyyyyyy back when she was in the early high school years. I would hear this music coming from her room and she'd play it in the truck on occasion. I didn't like them much at first but they grew on me. Once I started listening to their lyrics the catchy tunes did the rest. They told stories and I like that. Sadly the group are no more. Live fast, die young.

Panic! At The Disco - Build God, Then We'll Talk

BTW - Mimes, kinda freak me out. Just sayin.

Have a great Tuesday all.

Monday, July 26, 2010

fogged up and foggy

I appologize. I'm in a fog. Of sorts.

I got up this morning at 5:30flippingAM after 1.5 - 2.5 hours of sleep. (still with the no sleep thing. every night)

I got a ride to work with Joshua. He picked me up at 7:15 and I was there by 7:30. I was ontime for the first time in IDontKnowWhen. yuck.

I dealt with 400 emails, 33 voicemails.

I had 7 other recruiters asking me 58 questions over and over about their docs and my jobs and where the hell we were in the process. (its ok if that doesnt make sense to you)

I sat at work during lunch. No lunch with the puppies for the next 6-8 weeks. No driving allowed. FUCK.

I left work at 5:00flippingPM.

I finally saw my puppies at 5:15. BEST.PART.OF.THE.DAY.

Oh, My shoulder still hurts. Like I told Annie in an email earlier, If I needed another shoulder surgery to be able to throw a softball again.......I would NOT be throwing a softball ever again.

Yes, it still hurts. No I can't get comfortable at night. And yes, physical therapy starts tomorrow. Passive motion. woohoo. Good times are a coming.

muahs. I'm sorry if I've been slacking on reading and commenting on your blogs. I'll be back eventually when my arm doesnt feel like its falling off so much. I miss u guys, but I cant keep up right now. I will be back more often soon. Promise.

p.s. Remi said hi. And wait till you see the underwater pics of him. =)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Bebe turns 22

The sailor is 22 today! She has been around for HALF.MY.LIFE!!!!

Kinda momentous (sp?).

Happy Birthday Lauren!


Party at the compound tonight! Its getting bigger and bigger by the minute!! As usual!

Have a great weekend all!!!

At the bar last night seeing a great group called State Of.

The Bug and Shayla started the birthday celebration early yesterday afternoon!! (longtime family friend from Pittsburg!!)

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Weatherman is Smoking Crack Again

Since I can type with two hands already, its time to move on to something other than whining about my shoulder.

I'm gonna whine about weathermen instead! Yay!
Tropical Storm Bonnie was born yesterday in the Caribean. (Look!!! They named a storm after you!! YOU know who you are!!)
Its a baby TS and not packing much punch. I think max winds are around 40-45 mph, gusts of 50mph and 4-6 inches of rain were projected. Tidal flooding was expected, but minimal.

Since Monday the weather guys at the local tv stations have been praying for this thing to blow up into a Cat 4 hurricane. Much to their dismay, that is not going to happen and more to their dismay, it was expected to weaken as of the last report early this morning. BUT!! There is hope!!! It was turning north slightly so Miami-Dade County could be ground zero for a direct hit of some rain and wind. pffffft.

These guys live for this stuff and as of yesterday evening at 6pm when Bonnie was officially born there has been nothing but LIVE!! BREAKING!! WEATHER COVERAGE OF TROPICAL STORM BONNIE!!! on all three major networks. Every.Fifteen.Minutes. They've takin this storm to the next level of assclown. Much to their glee the storm did jog north a bit, like they tend to do, and hit just North of the Keys.
OMG, Every 15 minutes(!!!!!)they are on the news telling us to have water, generators, storm shutters, enough food for 3 days and our medications filled....JUST IN CASE IT GETS WORSE. OMG!! Doomsday is headed our way!

Please, this storm came thru this morning and was here and mostly gone by 12:30pm. Oh No!! What the hell are they going to report on now???

I kid you not, it was like two, maybe three heavy rainshowers with a few gusty winds. We didn't even take the umbrellas out of the tables by the pool. I didnt muster the energy to put up my storm shutters....One Armed mind you. Bad, bad, me!

STUPID idiots just make everyone hate on them and they'll keep doing this every storm that comes along, no matter how big. So when the big one does come, most people will be bored of hearing them cry wolf and probably get their asses handed to them.

When Hurricane Andrew hit way back in the early 90's, it was not forcasted to hit us. Then he took a jog north and grew to a GINORMOUS Cat 3-4 storm overnight. They had a good idea this was going to happen and were warning us, but the previous 50 storms before Andrew didnt do it so you had no one listening to the warnings. When everyone woke up that Friday morning before the storm hit and turned on the news.......they saw it was gonna happen....sometime Late Saturday or Sunday morning. A MASSIVE Catatory 4 Hurricane was barreling towards us, guns drawn on South Florida and no-one was ready. Mass panic happened 36 hours before Andrew hit.

I was a Paramedic working that Saturday into Sunday and I ran 30+ calls from 7am Saturday morning until 2:30am Sunday morning when they finally pulled us off the road for safety. I had actual transport reports for 22 patients IN 19.5 HOURS!! UNREAL. We ran calls from one end of Broward County to the other, one after another. Heart Attacks, massive broken bones, chainsaw injuries, nasty cuts, lots of bruises, everything. Most of it was for people trying to prepare for the storm. Doing shit and preparing for the storm. Some of it should have been done days, if not months before. But they were now in a panic, a rush and they were getting hurt bad. It was crazy. It was fun (yes it was). It was exhausting.

This is what we were seeing on the tv midday Saturday when we got a glimpse of one at the hospital after dropping patients off.

I slept thru the storm in the bowels of the hospital where we were stationed at the time. Our normal squad room got taken away from us and given to some administrator and his family. I ended up sleeping in a broom closet. I took the stretcher from the truck, shoved it in the closet with two pillows and a blanket and passed out. My partner woke me up at 6:30am and Andrew had come and gone. We were back on the road and running the calls that they'd stacked up while all EMS/FIRE/POLICE were grounded. The first two calls were dead people. Died of heart attacks. It was sad because their families had watched them slip away with no help on the way. The 911 operators had talked them through how to do CPR but it was too long a time without the lifesaving drugs needed to save them. It had to be horrible for the families.

It was a fast storm. Probably a good thing in retrospect. We had damage up here in Broward County, lots of trees and powerlines down but Southern Dade County was demolished. I'll have to get my pics out someday and show you all. Street after street with flattened houses. What a flippen mess. I don't want to deal with that ever again. In the weeks after the storm half of Dade County moved up to Broward County for 6 months. Half of those people never went back to Dade. ugh.
This is a pic I pulled off the web. Mile after mile of this destruction. MILE AFTER MILE.

Anyway, the point is obvious. Crying Wolf seems to be the norm nowadays. They stopped doing it for awhile after Andrew hit. I thought they'd learned their lesson but apparently not. Its once again going on storm after storm and its so detrimental.

I know I said the storm wasnt bad this morning, but there are always idiots out I guess when you gotta fish, you gotta fish!!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

She Will Play Ball Again - Updated

I updated post with intra-operative pics. They are at the end. Squeemish beware!

At 8:15am this morning I still wasnt completely dressed and my follow up, post op Dr's appt was in 45 minutes. ADL's or Activities Of Daily Living were giving me a headache, early. I couldnt get a bra on or a sports bra and my ride (Lauren) and assistant (Lauren) were not here yet.

I struggled for a few more minutes and could not for the life of me get the flippen bra on. I finally got a wife beater on. Screw the bra. Whew! THAT was tough! lol I just threw a lightweight sweatshirt on the one good arm and tossed the other side over the lame shoulder. I was ready! Who needs an assistant??? But I did need a ride and Lauren showed up 5 minutes after I was done. lol

We get to the Doc with minutes to spare and are in an exam room real quick. Told you all I'm VIP at this joint! ;) Shay (docs assistant) comes in and takes off all the bandages. Finally I get to see it! 5 holes?? What the hell did he do?? Shay takes the staples out of the two small holes and she says she wants him to decide if the others come out of the bigger holes. (He did take all the staples out. He said there are a bunch on internal sutures that hold it shut. Ok.)

Within 5 minutes in strolls Dr. GeorgeousIWouldntSayNo and without a hello gets all up in my personal space shaking a finger at me while saying, "You, young lady NEED to make sure you listen to what I'm going to tell you, follow your rehab to a "T" and not mess around and try to move to fast. Your shoulder was an absolute mess and I fixed this and it was a lot of work, so don't make me have to refix it!" Damn, I was in trouble before I even got to say hello! He was joking but serious at the same time.

I then proceeded to tell him that he's lucky I didnt call his cell phone number on Monday OR Tuesday all night long and bitch him out for what had to have been a hellacious beating of my shoulder with with a two-by-four while I was under anesthesia in the OR.

OK, so we're even. I

The good news...I didnt blow out the Biceps tendon. VERY IMPORTANT tendon, very involved in the throwing motion. He said its just a little frayed and thats from tendonitis (throwing) and should heal up fine with all the rest its going to get. =)

The bad news....we knew already. I did blow out the supraspinatus and infraspinatus tendons. One of which was retracted pretty far with a large tear in the muscle.
He proceeded to show me cool intraoperative pics which I've put at the bottom. ;) And he drew pics of how he fixed it too. It was soooo cool.

I'll try to explain this, only because what these docs do is amazing to me. First let me explain how the tendons normally attach to the humerus. There is what he called a "footprint" at the top of the outside of the humerus where the two tendons come together and both attach. Its an area that looks like an indentation in the bone. So its a pretty large area and the tendon is attached to this whole area.

Heres how he did it. First he does a decompression. That just means he shaves off the bone where the tendons ripped off of, the "footprint" area. He makes it all smooth and pretty and ready to accept the re-attachment.
He put 4 screws at the top of the humerus "footprint" area and out of each screw there are two color coded strings. He then takes those strings up through the tendons and knots the tendon down. Now there is a bunch of string left after he knots it thats still to be used (more on that in a bit). Then he goes to the bottom area of the humerus where the bottom part "footprint" area of the tendon is to be attached and puts in two anchors. He takes the parts of the string that are still attached at the top and weaves them thru the tendon and finally ties them all down to the two anchors. So now the tendon is seated like it origionally was in the bed of the humerus where it once was (before I ripped them away).

Now it needs to heal. The tendon will re-attach to the bone, hopefully like new. 6-8 weeks in the sling and NO abduction. Abduction is the movement of your elbow away from your body outwards. Like holding your arm straight out to the side. I can move my lower arm all I want. Just dont move my elbow away from my side. FOR 6 - 8 WEEKS. Holy shit thats a long time!

PT starts next week. That will be all passive movement just to keep my shoulder from freezing. That if I recall from the last surgery was painful stuff. But I'll do it.

He gave me hope. He said I should be able to throw again. Even though the Rotator cuff is important in throwing, if all heals well I should be able to. Now he did throw in a pretty scary statistic. He said there is a 30% chance of re-tear. He said it happens typically within the first 9 - 12 months. It happens even in perfect/good repairs. He considers my repair a "very good" repair. Meaning the tendons were all like crabmeat when they tore, but cleaned up well and took the thread well. He was able to take the retracted tendon and stretch it down fine so no pig intestine was needed. I had NO labral tears and although the tear was large in the muscle, he fixed it up good. So fingers crossed that this bullshit spontaneous combustion doesnt happen.

So you know I took a pic!

5 holes. 2 little, 3 big. 2 tendons re-attached to the bone with 4 screws, 2 anchors and a decompression done. I'll be able to throw again if it all holds up. =)

And today was a much better day than yesterday thats for sure. I only used the regular tylenol all day and was fine. =) Its sore, and hurts a bit if I move the wrong way but its 10 x's better than even yesterday. I just want to sleep at night. Thats my biggest bitch now. Oh to sleep. But that will come in time too. I do plan on taking the Tylenol 3 tonight. If anything it'll help me sleep.

Im on my way to recovery. I figure March. I wanna play ball by March. 8 months. Thats my goal. =)

Intraoperative Pics.....

Bicep tendon...intact. =)

It should be all white and pretty in here...blood = acute tear.

Looking down from top of shoulder...should see only muscle, but seeing top of humerus. Tendon and muscle are gone. =(

"footprint" area of humerus where tendons were attached before being ripped off.

This is the screw. Its clear but you see the metal screwdriver inside of it that obviously backs out once screw is placed inside bone. The screw will eventually dissolve.

Screw showing color coded strings attached.

This is the anchor. It is metal and does not dissolve. These'll go to the grave with me.

Strings being woven into tendon.

Finished product with the crisscrossing of strings attaching the tendon to the "footprint" area of the humerus.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

alive & not karate chopping

hey kids! alls well. just checking in to let everyone know i made it through surgery fine.

i will say, i'd rather have an ACL surgery on my knee 10x's over this one. i'm trying not to whine here but omg it fucking hurts lol. the nurse said afterwards that it should hurt because there are six screws in there =0. wtf?? cant wait to here wth he did in there.

i'll have all the details tomorow morning because i have my first post-op follow-up at 9am.

i guess im still not going to be sleeping for awhile. last night was two hours of fitfull sleep. hell, it can only get better at this point. =)

im off to take a pill. yes, im actualy taking tylenol3. its cool as long as i eat a piece of bread before i take it. im not getting sick from it so alls well. tomorow im gonna try just regular tylenol. we'll see.

and dont worry, my boys are keepin an eye on me!

thanks for all the well wishes! i appreciate them very much. love to you all!!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Knife Wounds

So tomorow morning at 8:00am I'll be under the knife. My doc will be doing what any Orthopedic Surgeon LOVES to do....slice and dice. I'm actually glad he loves it. =)

I posted here about how I tore my shoulder up after falling while rollerblading a few weeks ago. As well as the follow up doc visit and the MRI results showing a massive rotator cuff tear.

I'll try to post in the afternoon once the anesthesia hangover is tolerable enough to lift my head and type coherent sentences. If not, I'll do it on Tuesday morning.

Here's a great pic that shows the two tendons I tore. I put big read arrows to show you which ones.

See ya'll on the other side!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Epic Battle With A Bug (2)

Another of my favorite post from June of last year..... I abhor Cockroaches. No, really I do. And I'm deathly afraid of them too.

This story is an epic battle. And its an ongoing battle that I have all too often living in Florida. I LOVE having my brother living here with me now. I no longer have to ask strangers to help me destroy said bugs. Read on, you'll see there are no limits to who's help I'll enlist when I'm up against a roach.....

Yes, we know I hate Zombies. There is one more thing I hate....yes one thing on this earth that I despise as much if not more. Probably more cause I've never seen a zombie (thank your diety). I live in a state that is teeming with cuckarachas aka cockroaches. I'm not even gonna type that word again, because even doing that gives me the heebie jeebies.

I scream like a little bitch when I see them. I run, I beg for people to kill them for me. You see I can barely even do that. It has to be super extreme special circumstances before I'll kill one. And only by spraying Raid or whatevers close on it. Yes, I've used hairspray and Windex when it was the only thing I could get to. I absolutely will not under NO circumstances ever step on one. ugh. gross. Makes me puke a little in my mouth thinking about it. oh shhhhit, I'm breakin out in a sweat just typing this. I'm serious. I have a phobia. bad. And once they're dead, I cant pick them up. I'll put a papertowel or something over them until I can get someone to come remove the body.

Last night around 10:30ish I decided I wanted to go to bed and try to get a good nights sleep. The last week has been a little rough with the mangled extremity. I go and get ready; pj's, brush teeth, tv & puter off, take an Ambien. And I'm doing the final front door lock check (cause Im OCD like that - gotta check multi times) and for whatever reason I decide to step outside on the patio and bring in the 10 different toys Remi has left out there in case it rains. He is worse than a 5 year old. At least a 5 year old will pick up toys occasionaly.

I walk out the door, close it and start picking up toys. I turn around and SCREEAAAM OMG JESUS CHRIST!! The mother of all mother "you know whats" is sitting not 2 inches from the door handle. IT WAS AT LEAST 2 1/2 inches long. The same flippen door I just came out of! Oh shit. What am I going to do. Oh fuck. I'm trapped outside. No phone, No Raid, and wearing pj's! I'm freaked. I look around for something to throw at the little fuck hoping to get it to scurry away. Rocks! There's little rocks in the garden by the gate. I get some rocks and start throwing them at it. Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, Bam! Hit right next to it. And to my horror, the flippen thing starts flying!!!! OMG its a female!! (only the females fly) Oh shit. It lands right back somewhere near the door, but once it started flying I ran a little and screamed some more so I'm not quite sure exactly where it landed.

Now I'm in a quandry. Do I make a break for it?? Try to get in the door?? What if it is near there and starts flying again and GOSH FORBID lands on me. I would die. I would probably break my other ankle from trying to jump the fence or something. I would most certainly be institutionalized for the rest of my life. I'm serious. I can never, ever be touched by one of these things. Making a break for it is not an option. So I start thinking of what I can do. No phone. FUCK! If I had my phone, I shit you not, I would've called my father and made him come over here and find and kill this flying beast. I'm racking my brain. What to do. And at that exact moment, the beast starts flying around again!! Good thing I didnt make a break for it, cause surely it would have gotten me. It lands. I'm pacing.

I live in a cottage behind a house that a friend lives in. But Dominicks lights are all out. Its now at least 11pm. Yes, this shit has been going on for at least a half hour at this point. I look at the other end of my cottage where there is an efficiency unit that this nice kid who's doing an internship for the Sun Sentinal lives in. AHA!! His lights are on!! I go over to the door and I can hear the tv on inside. I knock. Nothing. I knock again. Nothing again. FUCK. I just want to get inside my place. I want to go to bed. The goddamn Ambien is kicking in at this point. I'm tired.

I go back and stare at my door for awhile longer, trying to get up the nerve to make a break for it. I just cant do it. I try to will my body, but I cant. I look over at the efficiency again. I've got to get him over here. I go back and knock really hard. Yessssssss, movement inside. He comes to the door in his boxers. He opens the door and I'm babbling..."I live next door, I'm terrified of roaches, there is one blocking my front door and terrorizing me, can you please come kill it for me, I beg of you, please??" He just stares at me like I've got three heads and says, "sure let me go get some clothes on". I'm all like, "No, its ok, I've got 4 brothers, I've seen boxers before". He just looks at me again and said, "I'm just gonna put some shoes on". I feel like an idiot. But overjoyed and giddy almost! He's gonna kill the beast!!! yayayayyayayyayayayyay!!

He comes out and walks over to my gate and as he's walking around the corner he sees it and goes "WHOA!!" Ok, thats my vindication. I told you this fucker was big!! He's like hmmm I dont have bug spray. I'm like what can you kill it with?? And then I volunteered my flip flop. I'd throw it away after, but thats ok. He says no, I'll use mine. Now I cant watch the killing. It makes me sick. He's in there and swings at least four times from what I heard and he says, "wow, your a fast one!". Oh shit, please kill it!! Then bam! "Got it!!". And I go look and yep, it was dead on the patio. I thank him and he goes to leave. I'm like, "OH no, can you please get rid of it??" I cant have a dead beast carcass laying around. no, no, no. He looks at me and says, "sure, got a broom?" So I go inside, get the broom and he sweeps it into the bushes. I thank him profusely, promise to make him dinner or buy him a 12 pack or have his first born. Well, not really the first born, but I promise him the moon for saving my life!! He was super sweet, said thats ok and went back to his place. I love that boy. He's my hero.

I go inside and I kid you not, its 11:20pm. Damn near an hour spent fighting a war with a 2 1/2 inch creature. I locked the door, double checked it and was done. I dont think I lasted 5 minutes and was sound asleep. Mentally exhausted from the ordeal and I'm sure the Ambien helped.

It sucks to be that afraid of such a small thing. And it doesnt even bite.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Old People Are Funny - Not (2)

Most of you weren't here back when I was a baby blogger a year ago. I'm still a baby blogger but moving into toddlerhood soon. I found this when I was looking for an old post yesterday and it made me smile. I do love these two and I wouldn't change a thing. And it was before I moved into the house next door to them. AKA: The Compound.

I'm not going to be around for a few days so I'm re-running some of my favorites. This is what I wrote when no-one was reading. Or very few were! (thanks Gia/Sisu/Mrs. Bunker!)

Let me just start by saying I love my parents to death. I'd do anything for them and do so on a regular basis. I sit there while they bicker and pick at each other. I listen to my mother bitch about him and his "nasty" habits (the man apparently STILL leaves his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor every morning. EGADS!). And I listen to him bitch about her bitchin at him all the time. In essance they are co-dependant and I really dont know how one is going to live without the other when the day comes.

They've been married for 49 years this past July 1st. He was a lunatic and married her with 4 kids...under the age of 7!!! He really was nuckin futs. My younger sister and I filled in the holes of their obviously incomplete life over the next 10 years.

So every couple of weeks I get the phone call about how they havent seen me in forever and want to spend some time with me. Hello?!?! I'm over their house every Sunday with the boys (dogs) swimming and eating their melba toast and drinking their ginger ale. I guess thats not good enough.

I get "the call" yesterday afternoon about my usual above shortcomings and get suckered into going to bingo with them. O.M.G. I can think of 27 bazillion other things I'd rather do. ummm, Like be eaten by ravenous monkeys at the zoo for instance or giving myself a gravel enema. shit.

Its starts in the car. My father just had catarac surgery two weeks ago and the man STILL can NOT see. He admits to having double vision. Its ok tho...he can see cars stopping ahead of him...hell, he sees TWO sets of brake lights instead of one!! Brilliant.

He's driving 50mph in a 65mph zone on the highway where everyone is doing 75mph. I put my seatbelt on, even though I was in the back seat and just played with my IPhone. I didnt want to see my impending death. Its better that way. Then my mother starts screaming while he's trying to merge onto the off ramp at an even slower speed than a turtle walking backwards. He's halfway onto the exit ramp doing fine and she's screaming, "NO NO THERES A CAR COMING!!!" Which causes him to swerve back into traffic now doing 24mph. There was no other car, he was doing just fine. I keep my mouth shut and head down. It really, really is better that way.

We go to Indian bingo and there are a shitload of people over the age of 75 that go to this place. In fact, half of south Floridas elderly population meets every night here to kabits and bitch about the state of their bowels. I park my happy ass in a seat and wait for it to begin. Mabel sits next to me. She's got six overnight bags full of I dont know what and two seat cushions with her that she takes up half my space with. Her walker hit my recently broken/still sore ankle. I went to give her a dirty look and she froze my ass with her evil furry eyebrow stare of death. And the hair in the mole on her chin looked like it could strangle me as well. It was like she was begging me to say something so she could beat me to death with her cane. Why the fuck does she need a walker AND a cane???? I do not ask and just keep to myself (cause I know whats good for me).

The games begin and I'm playin my game, making small chat with those around me and from next to me I hear Mabel say under her breath but just loud enough to be heard , "Do you come here to chit chat or play bingo, pipe down already!" I dont think she likes me, my lip ring or the big ole tiki with a peepee tattoo on my ankle. In fact I'm convinced.

Remember the catarac surgery my dad had?? Well he cant see the numbers on the board and he's half deaf so guess what??? Every flippen number that comes out my mother has to repeat at least two times to him.

Mom: G58 Paul.
Dad: What?
Mom: It was G58
Dad: B 58???
Me: 0_o
Mom: GEE. FIVE. EIGHT. You Know There Is No B58, Think About It You Numbskull!!
Dad: Why didnt you just say that in the beginning??
Mom: O65 is next Paul.
Dad: What??
Me: omfg.

I'll treasure these memories when they are gone. Of this I'm sure.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Optimism. I need it. I found it.

The Urban Dictionary's Definition of:

1. pity party

A way of experiencing grief, in which you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is.
Pity parties can be just for one or for many people, such as maybe your friends and close people, who will try to comfort you or just be there for you while you keep asking yourself what did you do to deserve whatever it is that made you so sad in the first place.
Pity Parties require the proper outfit, which is usually pajamas cause you dont get all dressed up during those feeling-sorry-for-myself moments. Also you should have no make up on or just the one from the night before; hair undone as well.
It also involves tissues, comfort food such as ice cream; chocolate; potato chips; cookies; cake; and candy. Low fat food is banned.
Alcohol might or might not be allowed (if alcohol makes you go wild, no alcohol should be brought to the pity party in that case since the point is not exactly to have fun). The purpose of a Pity Party is to dump the pity.
Music is also very important at pity parties, including songs like "One is the Loneliest Number", "All by Myself" and any other song that makes you feel like throwing yourself from the nearest cliff.
Pity parties usually end after you are done whining or if someone breaks it up. This will usually be a cynical loved one who will not let you drown in self pity and will take you either to have the best time ever, drinking and partying or will just make you crawl out of bed by making you see how pathetic you look and how you should cut the whining and just do something to make things better.

Was I due?? Maybe. I haven't had one in quite some time now. Ever since March or shortly thereafter when I started my personal crusade to fix my life/self/attitude.

For about 4 hours today I was pissed. Pissed I couldn't pay my bills on time. Pissed I can't rollerblade anymore for a long time. Pissed I fucking fell and messed up my shoulder. Pissed I am going to miss work because of the surgery, when I'm finally back in the game and kicking ass. There's more but I don't feel like going into it. When I throw a pity party, I do it right. lol

I'm not quite sure why this happened today. I have been doing sooooooo flipping well! I'm happier than I've been in years. I'm doing all the right things. Analyzing this is something I need to do. I need to figure out how to NOT have pity parties. Such a waste of time and energy.

I did something different this time after I got sick of feeling sick to my stomach over things I cant control and things I can control. I made a list of the shit that was rolling around in my head. The shit that was bothering me and bringing me down.

It worked! Once written down I posed possible solutions to all of them and a timeframe on fixing them. My goodness IT WORKED! Alltogether swirling in my head it seemed so daunting. I couldn't concentrate on one of them and find a solution. But writing them down made me sit back and think about it and work on a solution.

I guess this is something I should have learned to do long ago. And its funny, I'll give this same advice to someone that comes to me for help but I didn't do it for myself for so long.

I found a website today that I adore. I like to think of myself as an optimist, but my kid tells me otherwise. =/ This is a website full of good stuff. Short blurbs about good things that have happened.

Its called Gives Me Hope. Click on it and check it out.

Just an example of what you'll find here:
A little girl was dying of cancer and her younger brother had a match for the bone marrow she needed...

The doctors told him it was a matter of life and death. After he had the surgery, he asked the doctors how long he had to live.

He thought if he gave his bone marrow to let his sister live he would die – but he did it anyway.

It says somewhere on the page: "FML for optimist". I like that!

Lauren is home tonight. Yes, here in Fort Laudy. =) She has two weeks leave and drove her new car from OKC to here over the last two days. She did well and drove the first 12 hours to P-Cola and stayed with a buddy from Aircrew who is not in the program anymore. Slept for a couple of hours and then drove the other 11 hours today. This is a kid who's never driven more than an hour from home/wherever that is by herself. She did well. I found out this morning that my mom was on the phone with her most of the night keeping her company through the bowels of Louisianna.

Next weekend is her big 21+1 birthday. I went back and read all these old post I did the week before her birthday last year. Kinda a countdown to the Big 21. Here's the first one and you can go from there if you want. Can you believe a year has gone by already??

We, of course, are having a blowout at the compound. It'll be the 21+1 Birthday Party. Mainly because she was in P-cola for her birthday last year and we all missed it a pretty important birthday! 21 is special but we are gonna make 22 REALLY special! Oh, and your all invited!

Have a great Friday!!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Bionic Effin Woman

So remember a couple of weeks ago I wrote about wiping out on my rollerblades and jacking up my shoulder?? Remember I didn't want to expound on what I thought was wrong until I saw the doctor and had some diagnostics done?? Well it was here.

And I wrote this:
2. I finally busted my ass on the rollerblades. Well not my ass exactly or my knees. I was cruising along at a fair clip, ie: fast!! Didnt pay attention for a split second and hit a rock. FUCKER. My right rollerblade immediately stopped, my left rollerblade tried to save me and it was not to be. What is in motion, stays in motion.

After the left rollerblade realized I was doomed, the right decided to help and in the process pulled its hamstring from midthigh right up into the big ass butt. Once the right leg wasnt working anymore the mind kicked in because it realized our body was in the middle of A1A in late rush hour traffic. So said body launched about 3 feet into the air attempting to reach the bike lane again and landed with all the body's weight on outstretched arms and destroyed the right shoulder on impact. Thank you to all the hot dudes in the BMW's who stopped and rolled down your window asking my buddy, "Is she ok?". Dudes, a little mouth to mouth might have helped. Once again, Just Sayin.

I'm not even telling the details of the injuries until I know for sure. Just know its bad enough that I didnt play softball tonight. And anyone that knows me, KNOWS I dont miss softball unless I'm physically not able to participate.

When I fell on the rollerblades two weeks ago, I fell hard, on outstretched arms, mostly my right arm. I was protecting my knee I'm sure. Remember the knee that had ACL Replacement surgery just 11 months ago?? Yeah, that knee. Protect it at all cost is obviously subconciously in my head at all times.

I knew I fucked up my shoulder. Bad. I knew it because I couldnt push up to get up off the ground as I lay on my stomach with half my body on busy A1A and the other half in the bike lane. I know my body. I felt it (my shoulder) let "go" in retrospect. And it hurt soooo bad. I was a whiney baby for a couple of days after this fall because it hurt. I'm still whining because I cant sleep at night because it aches and wakes me up constantly. It feels like a damn toothache that.wont.stop.ever. I cant take anything but tylenol or advil. I cant tolerate pain meds. Its just not worth the nausea for me to take them. I'd get rid of the pain to be up feeling pukey. So I'd rather have the ache believe it or not.

So back to the night I fell. While I was laying on the road I thought for sure I'd dislocated my right shoulder. Once I was able to roll over and get up off the ground, with help, there was no deformity so then I knew it wasnt dislocated.

I actually went to the ER that night to get it x-ray'd because I thought for sure I'd broken my humorous. Not the case according to the x-rays. No fractures found.

So I called my trusty Orthopedic, Dr. GeorgeousIWouldntSayNo, the next morning. Yes, the same guy who did my ACL surgery last summer and fixed my broken ankle and repaired my other shoulder a few years back. I know everyone in that office so they got me in that afternoon. I'm a flippen VIP patient!! I've paid for at least ONE of his 4 boys college tuition by now! Plus he loves me and I used to work for him back in the early 2000's. We are buddies and he always asks to see the newest pics of Lauren and the puppies. I trust him to fix anything I screw up. And he hasnt failed me yet!

He came in the room, saw me and immediatly said, "Holy shit, you look great!! How much weight have you lost?!?" Well, that just made me feel awesome!! Then he asked what I did to my knee now. lol I told him about the rollerblading misshap and I thought I messed my shoulder up bad. He examined me, shook his head and said it didnt look good. He wanted an MRI to see exactly/verify what he thought was wrong. I was darn near crying in his office after he got done messing around with my shoulder. He KNOWS I dont cry. Hell I had ACL surgery and never took more than Tylenol. He knows me and he was concerned.

Then the fucking insurance company wanted to be assholes about authorization so they initially denied the MRI with just the notes from the office visit. So then the Doc has to get on the phone do a peer to peer review and they authorized it on the spot. They are so stupid. I didnt get the MRI until this past friday morning. 10 days after I saw the Doc!! After the MRI was done they gave me the disc with the images and I begged them to have the radiologist read it so I could pick up the report for my appointment with the Doc later that afternoon. My doc doesnt need the report but he likes to see what the Radiologist has to say after he's done his looking at the MRI. The report was done by the time I was leaving my office for the appt and I had them fax me a copy to bring with me.

The report said exactly what I hoped it wouldnt, but KNEW it would. I didnt just tear my rotator cuff, I have a massive tear of the rotator cuff.

By definition a Massive Tear is:

The rotator cuff is a group of tendons and muscles in the shoulder responsible for internal and external rotation, as well as stability of the joint. The rotator cuff can suffer varying degrees of injury, one of which is a massive tear.

1. In a normal shoulder, the rotator cuff muscles pull downward against the force of the deltoid muscle to balance the ball (humeral head) of the upper arm in the socket.

Massive Tear
2. A massive rotator cuff tear is defined by Dr. Richard J. Hawkins, M.D., as being greater than 5 centimeters in the coronal or sagittal plane.

3. An alternate definition of what constitutes a massive rotator cuff tear comes from Dr. Bernhard Jost, who said, "One accepted definition of a massive rotator cuff tear of the shoulder is a rupture of at least two complete tendons."

4. Jost goes on to say that, for a suspected tear, a medical professional will likely examine the three major rotator cuff tendons---supraspinatus, infraspinatus and subscapularis.

Read more: Definition of a Massive Tear of the Rotator Cuff |

So according to the MRI, I meet BOTH of the above criteria.
1. I completely tore the Supraspinatus and the Infraspinatus tendons.
That would be the rupture of two complete tendons.
2. And lucky me, the Supraspinatus is torn almost 7.8 centimeters. I damn near ripped the whole muscle in half.
That meets the second definition.

Weeeeeeee! I don't do things half ass people. If I'm gonna destroy a body part, I DESTROY IT. pfffffffft.

So my whining wasnt in vain for the last couple of weeks. I was/am hurt. lol I'm doing my pre-op testing/clearance tomorrow and have surgery scheduled for o'fucking early next Monday morning. He's a little concerned because one of the tendons that tore has rolled up into my shoulder and 3 weeks is the max window to try and save the tendon. Monday will be 3 weeks exactly.
He's hoping to be able to stretch it back down and attach it to the bone. If not he will have to use a pig sheath or something like that. And it'll be an Open procedure vs Arthroscopic surgery. And it'll make the healing time twice as long.

I'm looking at best case scenario of six weeks of a sling with zero movement. If he's gotta go with the pig part it makes it 8 weeks in a sling and many extra weeks of PT.

Softball is a dream right now. He doesnt know and won't guarantee me the ability to throw again until he gets in there. It might be too fucked up. If he can fix it (which he will, I have faith!!) I wont be playing until next spring. He said, maybe March at the soonest. fuhk!!

So thats my story. I am a gracefull one, aren't I?? No worries people, all will be well. It has to be! =)

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Landlocked Sailor Visit - Part 3, aka: final chapter!

Soooooo, where were we?? Oh, part 3 of the trip to see the sailor. Part 1 is here. And part 2 is here.

On Sunday morning after our breakfast with Angelia and Jason, we were going to visit the home of My Boys!!! The Cowboys new stadium was right down the street from where we stayed in Arlington and this place is so big you can see a glimps of it from everywhere!!

Lauren had brought us tickets to go on the self guided tour and I was beyond excited!! I've loved the Dallas Cowboys since I was 9 years old. I've loved them through the great Superbowl seasons and the shitty 1-15 seasons. I take all the crap that being a Cowboys fan brings with it. I love them. No Matter What. And I was going to see the newest, best stadium ever built. How lucky was I???

We arrived a few minutes early before the 11am opening of the tours so we walked around the pro shop and I drooled on Every Thing. I felt like a kid in a candy shop!!! I did end up getting a practice t-shirt and a hat. At 11am they let us in. I could honestly go on and on and on about this stadium and how flippen awesome it is! But I wont bore you. I will say it truly is Jerry's World and no expense was spared.

I will say that when I finally got up the stairs and walked across the concourse and saw the field with that Giant Star I damn near cried. I've waited a long time to be in my boys home and I felt like I was home.

I'll let the pics do the rest of the talking. And there's a pretty awesome video that I think you'll get a "kick" out of. =)

Me and Tom. Greatest.Coach.EVER.

That HD Television is 50 yards wide. 0_o

I'm On.The.Flippen.Field. OMG!

My two favorite things. My sailor and my star. =)

Just chillen on the field.

YES!!! I was in the LOCKER ROOM!!

The Miller Lite Club. This is where the Boys enter the field. How cool is that!!

And this is special. Very special. How many people can say they've done this....

Scorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!! Yeah, my baby rocks!!

I didnt want to leave. =(

I'm not sure Ginormous is a big enough word to describe this place.

We only planned to spend an hour in the stadium but ended up being there 3 hours! There was so much to see and tons of guides with lotsa information. I was in my glory. lol

So we left the stadium and headed back to the OKC. We had to get back and check into our hotel because we had dinner plans. We stayed in Bricktown which is an area in downtown Oklahoma City. We had a great dinner at Crabby Jacks and then watched some fireworks from our room.
I cant get decent fireworks pics for my life. Definately need to work on this skill!

We were too tired to do much else and it was a nice relaxing evening. Totally needed! We stayed at the Marriott and they have the best beds ever that just invite you to snuggle up and sleep. And sleep we did! We were in bed and passed out by 10:30pm and slept till 10:30am the next morning. Sorely needed!!

After sleeping in till 10:30am we got up and prepared for our last day together. It was hard to believe 3 days had just flown by. Lauren wanted to take me to the Oklahoma Federal Building Memorial so we headed that way.

Let me just say that this is the most sad and beautiful place I've been to in a long time. The events that occured there 15 years ago and perpetrated by one of our own citizens just made me angry when I saw the site. Seeing the memorial fills you with sadness and the beauty of it is just inspiring. The hope it inspires made me believe that there are way more good people in this country than bad. If only they could do something like this at the WTC site.

68 Murdered.
Nine rows of chairs representing each floor of the building.
Each chair in the row represents a victim and the floor they were on.

The smaller chairs are the children.

The Tree of Hope. This tree survived the bombing.

I'm so glad they saved this.

Still here 15 years later.

I walked around the memorial with tears in my eyes. This made them fall.

After we left the memorial we went back to one of Laurens buddies house and relaxed. We laughed some more, talked a ton and ate some good Mexican food.
That night I stayed at her barracks with her. The two of us in her twin bed. lol It was just like old times when she was little and wanted to snuggle mommy. =)

5:15am came really quick. She drove me to the airport and we said our goodbyes. No tears though just lots of hugs and kisses. It was a good, satisfying trip that we spent every moment together having nothing but fun. It was just like old times when I had her all to myself. She'll always be my baby, but she is not a baby or a teenager anymore. She is a woman with a life and job and friends of her own. It was awesome to take a peek inside.

Thanks for reading ya'll. ;) Muahs.