Monday, March 29, 2010

Failures, Success & The Brain

So update time. I dont wanna but I gotta. Accountability.

I've failed miserably at quitting smoking. I have cut back but I just cant seem to quit. This in turn is having an affect (or is it effect?) on my running program.

I cant breath therefore I cant run. Plain and simple.

So I'm walking. I walk 4 miles a night. From my house to the beach and back. Per mapquest its 1.8 miles each way so yeah, almost 4 miles. I have to get this running thing down though. I've signed up for a 5K at the end of May and somethings got to give.

I started the Rock Your Body program at work two weeks ago on March 15 which is a "get healthy, lose weight" type of competition if you will. I'm on a team with 5 guys. As of my weigh in yesterday I'm down 11 lbs. =) I did measurements last week and I've lost a few inches already too. I've changed my eating habits and I'm drinking tons of water (yuk). I used to put down at least 400-500 carbs a day and now I'm maxing 75-80 a day. I miss bread. I aint gonna lie. I've cut calories as well to under 1,000 a day. Somedays its even less. I'm not that hungry anyway and there is a reason for that which I'll get to.

I finished the neurobehavioral testing last week with the neuropsychologist. All 10 hours of it. OMG. He tested me up, down and sideways. Every part of my brain was used and I left there after each 2 1/2 hours session mentally exhausted. I tried my hardest to do my best and obtain the best scores on everything. Some of the stuff we did was downright boring and others were easy. Some things I couldnt do and others I couldnt finish as they got harder and harder. I felt really stupid at times. Especially with the memory stuff. And although I havent gotten the report he did send me out the door reassuring me that I am pretty smart and I definately have some ADD issues which will benefit from a stimulant.

He also said I have some TBI (traumatic brain injury) issues. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it and dont feel like going back to look but I've had a skull fracture as well as multiple concussions in my life. He also did an IQ test along with tons of others. He gave me an estimate of what he thinks my IQ is and I'm not sure I believe him. Once he scores it and gives me the official I might let you all know.

So this brings me to the stimulant. I've been taking Adderall off and on for about 2 weeks now on work days. I didnt take it on the days I went for the testing because I didnt want it to skew the results. It does work for work. I focus and I am not nearly as bad with the "squirrel!!!" syndrome. The days I took it I felt and saw the difference in my production. So we'll see. The neuropsychs report goes to the neurologist and he decides if I go on meds. I hope so because this crap is expensive without a script.

So thats it. My life in a nutshell lately.


Ann T. said...

Dear peedee,
Your I.Q. is huge and you don't believe it. Or, you wonder why the heck it showed up NOW. But it's huge.

Your expectations are high and there are more steps than you verbalized, and you have to walk them anyway. Can't skip a damn one.

You've cut the carbs, the soft drinks and alcohol, the nicotine, you're developing healthy rituals, and you are in prep stages for many improvements.

My sister! You rock. You kick ass.

Get the neuro stuff done and the Adderal or whatever settled. Get the job worked out, keep walking to the beach. . . .

Eventually you are going to meet every freakin' goal. I got no doubts whatsoever.

You are doing the good.
Ann T.

Southern Sage said...

The stopping smoking I bet is tough. I'm no quitter but I prolly couldn't quit chewing if I tried or wanted to. Stay with it and you will beat it if you really want to.

Congrats on the weight loss sounds like its going good, another thing I suck at. I eat than many calories as an appetizer!

And I am not nearly smart enough to understand all that neuro stuff but I hope the test comes back good!

Linnnn said...

Happy bunny can suck it. You know, ya big over-achiever, your array of self-improvement goals was HUGE. I mean taking on ALL of those things was a gigantic undertaking, and in spite of the icky yucky ciggies still at half a pack a day, they're at HALF A PACK A DAY! YOU CUT BACK! That is tremendous progress. Lost 11 lbs.??? FABulous! You're wowing the softballers with feats of derring do. You are rippin' up at work with renewed laser-like focus and getting the chemical balancing act in your big fat intelligent brain balanced like a Wallenda on a tight rope. What's left is just some tidying up and you're golden! What's next? The Law of Attraction decrees (drum roll please...) you will be sportin' a new romantic relationship. Mark it!

peedee said...

Thanks all, its much appreciated.

peedee said...

And Linnn, I'll believe that last line when I see it.

Linnnn said...

I'm psychic. It'll be great to remind you of this prediction.

the observer said...

Dear peedee--

I'll have to catch up with the original list, but I envy you the full neuro brain workup--I would love to have one of those, and see what I am dealing with in terms of deficits and what more I could do to make it better/compensate/whatever.

Smoking is a bitch to quit. I've had patients tell me they were able to quit cocaine, alcohol, opiates, but not the damnable cigarettes. I count my blessings every day that when I tried them, I found them revolting and never took them up.

The Observer (oh, I drop in from time to time, from Ann's or Capt Schmoe's place.)

peedee said...

Its good to have you here Observer! And all you have to do is go to a neurologist and tell him your having memory problems or whatever you feel is not quite right and he should send you for a eval. I'm lucky, I have insurance and it covered all of it. Or else I wouldnt have done it.

Thanks again for stopping by!