Thursday, May 28, 2009

Zombie Apocalypse

All right, its time to get into my irrational fear of zombies or the undead or whatever you want to call them. I mean, I'm scared of a lot of things, but zombies take the cake. Much more than any other type of "monster" you can throw at me. I cant really tell you when this fear started, I know it was when I was very young based on nightmares I used to have. I guess its the whole apocalyptic threat that makes it seem like it "could" become a reality one day. Maybe one of these swine or avian flu's could start it. Who knows.

Even though I have this fear, I'll watch a zombie movie in a heartbeat. NEVER alone though. And always with a blanket or pillow strategically placed in front of my eyes to block any really scarey parts. The remake of Dawn of the Dead is my favorite if there is such a thing. 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later as well as I Am Ledgend all freaked me pretty good too. Shawn of the Dead was just hilarious.

I've been to Halloween Horror Nights at Univeral Studios Orlando twice. The first time was just a major freak out. It was when they were doing it at Islands of Adventure and that park just lends itself to a much spookier experience. Zombies were everywhere. Running in packs and just showing up out of no where. Fuhk. It was awesome, but terrifying at the same time. I just spent the whole night attached to my kid with my head burried in her shoulder. And if it had been real, I'm sure my self preservation instincts would have won out and I'd have thrown her to be eaten by them so I could get away. How horrible a mother am I??

I also realize there are two "types" of zombies. Those that walk slow and moan a lot and then those that are speedy little fuckers that move way to fast and are usually smart. I much prefer the slow ones for obvious reasons.

My kid and my sister know all about my irrational fears and will put up with the screwy way I think sometimes. They know I hate walking the dogs late at night and why. If I see someone way down the street, you can best be assured the poor dog needs to get the deed done quick cause we are not staying out there much longer. I'll watch this person way down the street and imagine that all of a sudden they turn, see me and start moving my way. How stupid is this???? Its really distressing and horrid for the dogs peeing/defication habits. Not done? Too bad your holding it till morning.

My sister says this one took the cake....When my kid went to boot camp in Great Lakes, I found a place, roughly halfway between south Florida and Chicago that would be our meeting place should the zombie apocalypse occur while she was away. I looked up the town (in Kentucky I think), found a hospital and told my us at the emergency room. We'll be there! Just get yourself there! Its all rather stressfull. Oh, and now that she's in P-cola training, I told her to just wait there...we'll find a boat and come get you. It'll be easier that way. Just dont be killing your IPhone battery texting all your soon to be dead/zombie friends. =0 You'll need it to get our texts.

I also lock my bedroom door at night...just in case.

So now that I've actually written down my fear and I read over it.....god, I'm a fucking nutcase. 8/ But, I've got a plan. Just in case. They'll be no nom nom nom on my flesh without a fight.


jennbird said...

"You've got red on you."

Shaun of the Dead = HILARIOUS in my book. I threw that quote out in the OR and NOBODY got it. I loves me some zombie movies.

peedee said...

I totally would have gotten that. :D

Red Shoes said...

Zombiesssssssssssssss Ruleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!